Goodbye Pussy Bow Blouse

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Teddy Roosevelt (Bo Peep) and William Howard Taft (her sheep)

I started this post with the intention of writing about Teddy Roosevelt and the word/phrase “bully!” I figured that would be a creative way to address some of the double standards in this disgusting election process.

Then the final debate happened.

Clinton, who is far from perfect (but remember Obama opposed same-sex marriage and had ties to the Chicago “machine” when he was elected) delivered one of the most gorgeous pieces of pro-choice rhetoric in a flawless manner that brimmed with the exquisite balance of an international politician’s skill and raw gut feeling. Her words were history…and neither of the men in her immediate sphere heard a word she said. But sure as hell when Clinton mocked Trump’s penchant for avoiding taxes he countered with the meme ready phrase “such a nasty woman” which everyone seems to have heard just fine. The other big thing everyone heard was Trump challenging the democratic process by avoiding an answer as to whether he would respect the decision of the American people if the election went against him.

The problem with us only focusing on these moments (Trump’s resistance to concession and his childish insult) instead of focusing on Clinton’s wisdom and insight is the basic problem we are facing in this election: maleness refuses to give up the spotlight. Calling Clinton a “nasty woman” isn’t about Clinton, it is about Trump. It is about every substitute word one could use in place of woman. Saying he won’t respect the outcome of the election, as well, isn’t about Clinton, it is about a democratic process that has been entirely male and is based on European male honor codes up until this point. Therefore, of course the election can’t be legitimate…she’s a woman. Of course a 40+ year political and legal career can be reduced to petty nastiness and namecalling…she’s a woman. This shit is messed up. What’s more messed up to me are the many women who are still supporting Trump. Messed up…but not surprising. One look at the history of women’s suffrage or the women’s rights movement and it is plain to see that sadly almost as many women who have been for progress have been against it.

Melania Trump, wife of Donald Trump, arrives before the second presidential debate between Republi can presidential nominee Donald Trump and Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton at Washington University in St. Louis, Sunday, Oct. 9, 2016.(AP Photo/Patrick Semansky)
Melania Trump, wife of Donald Trump, arrives before the second presidential debate between Republi can presidential nominee Donald Trump and Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton at Washington University in St. Louis, Sunday, Oct. 9, 2016.(AP Photo/Patrick Semansky)

I am not an anthropologist, I am a minister. My study of history and data always comes back to asking the question, “where do people find peace?” As such, I spend a lot of time thinking about what motivates people in general and I’ve come to the conclusion that above all, it is the promise or premise of safety that drives people most. Whether it is seeking a better job or pulling the trigger of a gun, ultimately someone is making a statement about how they do or don’t feel safe in the moment. I have to believe that the women supporting Trump, much like the anti-suffragists are motivated by feeling the need to defend the way they see and experience safety and order in world. I would say that Clinton may even pose a greater threat to them than an Obama, simply because some of these women may have certain negative assumptions about Clinton that reflect the negativity that is projected about women in general. If you have been taught by male focused society to never trust yourself or as I believe is the case here, never feel safe with yourself, why would you ever vote for someone who mirrors your experience? That is not to say that Trump’s women supporters are ignorant or under the thumb of men or only capable of an emotional decision…they are grown people who can dig their own graves.  Rather, I am naming this cultural challenge to call out the toxic role of patriarchy that pervades all of our concepts of what we think a “President” should look like, sound like or how they should prioritize the value of life and the world.  We’ve learned that President = male identified embodiment and affectation.  One look at the criticisms of Clinton’s voice, demeanor and clothing over the last year proves this point and treating her position on women’s unique healthcare as a footnote in this last debate underlines the dominance of male privilege even more.

In this patriarchal society where the vast majority of women are pressured to present themselves in a way that is entirely about the male gaze and male based criteria of desire, the idea of a woman who is self possessed and who cannot be diminished by an irresponsible male partner and who is impenetrable to personal assaults on her accomplishments or her gender is not just anathema but may actually be mortally terrifying to some. It upsets the order that has been ordained by certain faith (1 Corinthians 14:34) and codified over the years by law (the eras pre-19th amendment and pre-Roe v. Wade, etc.) It flies in the face of how we have learned to navigate gender. It doesn’t let some people feel or aspire to what they know as safe. What does make some people feel safe? Melania Trump made up like a prize show kitten surrounded by expressionless hyper blond women who show no greater joy than promoting the “strong” “successful” man in their life who is someone who “tells it like it is” even if he’s not capable of telling the truth…least of all about himself. Seeing women as props for the male ego…that’s what makes some people feel safe.

I have two hopes for election night. The first is that Hillary Clinton is elected as the 45th President of the United States. The second wish is that she publicly and openly weeps with joy at the accomplishment. Not because she is a woman, but because it is a long over due achievement in erasing the ridiculous gender norms of politics that have been killing us all and for which the nation and our ancestors regardless of gender identity all deserve a good deep cry. Yes, Barack Obama opened the door to non-white men filling the office of President, but Clinton will actually take the door entirely off its hinges.

And you can be sure she won’t be wearing any (f**king) pussy bow blouse as she steps across the threshold.

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(c) Vogue Magazine

Gentleman’s Agreement

As a man who has spent a lifetime being followed, cornered, propositioned and even groped against his will in restrooms, I can assure you that the predators are never trans*women, trans*men and not even usually self identified gay men. The culprits I’ve encountered are overwhelmingly cisgender “straight” men who feel like they have nowhere else to express these desires but in the “safety” of restrooms and locker rooms. These are the men who take advantage of the unspoken silent pacts and curious rituals of Westernized hetero-normative male bonding and are historically the ones who pose the greatest threat (think Dennis Hastert). The fear that is being projected by the men behind the current rash of anti-trans* “bathroom bills” is a product of their own twisted concept of what sex is, what a bathroom can be used for and frankly, I think they are only trying to protect their own fragile gender identities…not to mention their “right” to sneak a peek or hookup on the DL.

Yes, methinks the gentlemen doth protest too much…

Anointing North Carolina

After casting your vote,
you stand to anoint the glistening white head
with the Christening of manhood.
The ritual is rich with meaning
unconscious self conscious
as you tug at your history in the hierarchy
that flows with innocence
sometimes rises to embarrassment
and always sits on display with its simple visible purpose.

But it is not the final flick of moisture
At this font that holds the deepest meaning.
It is the furtive flash of an eye
that tells the true story
behind your belief that a public space for relief
is also the private space for release.
Your desire to shame those who only want wholeness
is meant to deflect attention
from the glances you give innocent disciples
whose untrained unrestrained excitement
at being thus blessed
is your cue to initiate them to the secret society
and teach its lessons and denial and lies.
Or maybe the restrictions you look to impose
are meant to press against how
you yourself were first evangelized
then baptized.

The frustrated communion of male bonding…
Eat for this is my body…
drink for this is my blood…
where taboo broken and DNA spilled
defines an age old covenant of hidden masculinities.
This is sacred space for you,
sanctified by anatomy anonymity
where glory is holed up in the tomb of a stranger’s pants,
and the promise that someday he will return.

You must pray,
for grace means never being asked where you’ve been…
or whether you even bothered to wash your hands.

 

Adam Lawrence Dyer is the author of Love Beyond God, the latest InSpirit Meditation Manual from the Unitarian Universalist Association: 

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http://www.uuabookstore.org/Love-Beyond-God-P17877.aspx